Hey everybody, it's Nancy May and Doing it Best With Eldercare Success.

Years back, I remember flying down to see mom and dad.

It was always a treat for both of them, mom, dad, and

me and spending time together.

although mostly my visits were to monitor their well being.

Make sure aides were doing their job well, seeing firsthand versus

phone calls, video monitoring, and emails is always the best way to make

sure that things are kept at best.

I'd also use that time to make sure I could go to doctor's appointments

and keep that refrigerator stocked with fresh, healthy foods.

and then any extra effort I could do to make their aides caregiving

job just a little bit easier.

but one thing had been bothering me on these visits.

And it was getting worse.

I know my lead aide had been trying to be very conscious about helping me maintain

a good budget and had decided to take it upon herself to become mom's hairstylist.

This aide also loved shopping for sparkly blingy clothing for mom,

which mom loved, and we all enjoyed seeing the smile on her face.

When she saw some shiny new shirt or a cute pair of pants, but that haircut.

Well, they kept getting worse and worse and worse.

You see, the reason why bring this up is because physical appearance and style

was always important to mom and dad too.

But we're talking about mom this time.

From the very first day that I can remember, mom always

took pride in how she looked.

for herself and for dad.

She took weekly trips to the beauty salon.

And then taking special care in between each salon visit with her

teased hair and that gentle backflip style of a bouffant of the day.

Then as times changed and styles changed, the teasing and the lacquered hairspray

styles became a lot more relaxed.

Clothing was another important thing for mom.

I remember a very special Easter hat that she had with these delicate

little strawberries that would hang off tendrils on the top of a small cap.

I don't know what it was, but I just loved watching those things

dance around the top of her head.

and I remember when she bought a brightly colored lily pulitzer

dress that came into style.

Dad loved that one too.

But now lily pulitzer is back in fashion.

But what does this have to do with mom who had dementia?

Well, actually quite a lot.

As I mentioned, mom's handy aid haircuts were We're going

from bad to what the heck.

I knew mom was still checking herself out in the mirror and as time went

on she wasn't feeling too good about herself and she wasn't looking too good.

so on one visit and during one of our regular group aid meetings to assess

where things really were going from the aid side too, I blurted out.

What the heck is up with mom's hair?

She looks like hell.

all of a sudden, there was stunned silence.

my lead aide at the time said, she likes it when I cut and style her hair.

My reply?

Take her to a salon.

You're doing a bad job.

Okay.

Sometimes I open mouth and insert foot.

However, sometimes being blunt and letting those working for your folks

know who's in charge is important.

not just for yourself, but for your parents.

You see, even with dementia, appearance is important.

Not just physical hygiene, although that's critical to good health, but simple,

plain old looking good or looking hot.

is important to self esteem.

and yes, anybody who has dementia or Alzheimer's still has a sense

of self importance and self esteem.

Yes, self esteem is important to all of us.

And if that feeling of looking good and feeling good is lost, it can

often cause individuals with dementia to feel insecure, lose confidence in

themselves and their ability to do things for themselves, even worse, even

wanting to get up the next morning.

can you imagine looking in a mirror day in and day out and seeing yourself?

Just sloppy and unkept for days on end?

You'd probably quickly lose interest in doing much of anything yourself, let

alone wanting to sit outside in the sun.

Now imagine if you had dementia.

How much worse you'd feel.

Making sure our parents have a way to maintain their appearance is important.

It creates a sense of positive self esteem and gives them

a greater sense of normalcy.

Doing so can also impact how we or others treat our parents.

If you don't look good, (we're not talking about Miss America here

by any means, but just looking nice), then others, Aids, Doctors,

Hospitals, Restaurant Servers, etc.

tend to lower the way they treat our parents.

It's sad but true.

Have you ever seen anybody standing on line who looks kind of disheveled?

and how people tend to just sort of stare or even back away a little bit?

That can happen to your folks too.

Beyond good haircuts and dressing well, I have another pet peeve.

And this one's important too.

It's those adult bibs.

I saw oversized baby bibs with a catch all type pocket at the bottom,

quite often being used in the facility where mom and dad first lived.

I understand why AIDS place those things on some of the residents at mealtime,

But, if they do not look like something that an adult would wear, ditch it.

Yes, this is my opinion, but I think it shows lack of respect

and understanding for somebody who's having difficulty eating.

In that case, find a way to make sure that food is more

easily able to stay on a fork.

They have bigger forks, bigger spoons, some that are just easier to handle.

or simply plan on a quick change after a meal, a blouse, a shirt,

a t shirt, whatever it is.

It's okay.

it's only a piece of clothing and can be easily thrown into the wash.

helping your parents.

Keep a sense of physical pride in themselves is important.

It makes them feel better about themselves, and you

feel better about them too.

It will support their desire to stay strong and healthy and mentally positive.

PMA all the way was one of my mom's sayings.

Dad would say, don't let the bastards get you down.

Well, I guess that's just another way of saying PMA.

Physically looking good encourages normalcy, even when days are

tough, physically and emotionally.

there's nothing better than feeling self sufficient.

Even when you can't do things entirely by yourself.

And having a sense of pride in looking good also help somebody want to continue

to contribute to the world, even if that's only in their own home, with a

family member, or just helping out in aid.

It's just a matter of respect.

Now, if you're not living with your parents, or even if you are take a

look at how they're physically looking.

don't have to really be ready for the next Yves Saint Laurent Runway.

Runway event, but looking good will help them physically and mentally.

It may even help with some cognitive challenges.

Vanity can be a good thing for them and you.

On your next visit with mom and dad, pay them a compliment and see how they react.

Gee mom, you're looking good.

My mom once told me, you're full of shit.

Well, she certainly told me how she was feeling, but if they smile and say thank

you, you know, you're on the right path.

And if they frown and look a little bewildered, you also know

what path you're on, other than the comment that my mom have said.

I hope this short episode helps you think just a little bit differently

in caring for mom and dad.

And it'll help yourself too.

Pride in our parents also gives us extra pride in who we

are and how well we're doing.

Looking good can help both ways.

On that note, if you're looking good, you'll also want to do good.

one way you can do that is by getting the book, How to Survive 9 1 1

Medical Emergencies, a step by step guide before, during, and after.

You'll learn what to do in the most difficult times,

and How To Manage Through A Healthcare System That Is Not Always Looking Out

For You And Your Folks Best Interest.

Being Ready Versus Reacting.

is the best gift that you can give yourself and your folks.

Also, if you like the show, go to eldercaresuccess.

live and give it a five star rating.

You can give that rating there, Or you can go to your favorite listening

platform from eldercaresuccess.

live as well.

Finally, if you have a question or comment, please leave me a voicemail

message or drop me an You can also do that at EldercareSuccess.

Live.

There's a blue tab on the right hand side of the screen that

says, Leave Nancy a voicemail.

You can leave me a voicemail or send me an email.

Simply click and follow the instructions.

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thank you for following and being a part of the Eldercare Success Podcast family.

Thank you for following, listening, and being a part of the

Eldercare Success Podcast family.

If you see somebody online behind you at Starbucks, Dunkin Donuts, or

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give them a link to this show as well.

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live.

It can be your gift and they might be a caregiver too.

It can be your gift to them because it's my gift to you.

Be well, stay well, and keep caring.

Bye bye.